You're So Inane

Washed-up pop-diva news round up:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Madonna isn't the person she once was - and that's the way she wants it. These days, the former Material Girl spends more time with her two children than she does performing. She collects art instead of boyfriends, and she's traded in her leather and lace undergarments for more demure outfits.

In the August issue of Vogue magazine, Madonna is featured in a lengthy interview and a photo spread at the English country estate she shares with her children, 8-year-old Lourdes (Lola) and 4-year-old Rocco, and her director-husband, Guy Ritchie ("Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels").

The photos include Madonna feeding chickens on the lawns of Ashcombe wearing a cream-colored Grace Kelly-inspired chiffon dress and cashmere cardigan and playing dress-up with her children in her sitting room while wearing a yellow cashmere cardigan and multicolored polka-dot silk dress.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Lil' Kim has filed a $6 million lawsuit against one of the two men who gave wounding testimony at her recent trial on perjury and conspiracy charges.

Lil' Kim was sentenced to one year and one day in prison for lying to a federal grand jury about her involvement in a 2001 gun battle outside a Manhattan radio station.

The 30-year-old rapper, whose real name is Kimberly Jones, has been ordered to report to prison Sept. 19.

In a lawsuit filed Monday in U.S. District Court, she accuses James "Lil' Cease" Lloyd of preparing to release an unauthorized DVD, "The Chronicles of Junior M.A.F.I.A. Part II: Reloaded."

Lil' Kim says she left Junior M.A.F.I.A., which included Lloyd, in 2001.
She says the DVD, like a predecessor, was unauthorized and improperly uses her name, image and likeness, amounting to false advertising and false endorsement.

And last, but not least, the one time girl singer for ketchup commercials is now a sexagenarian who is apparently not aging well:

...The best that can be said is Miss Simon does manage to carry a tune. There are no sour notes.

....From the start, Miss Simon, now 60, struggles mightily to get through the songs (I'm sensing there was a sigh of relief at the end of each take), leaving little room for style or emotions. It's a sorry state of affairs for a woman whose feelings poured out on such earlier earthy hits as "You're So Vain," "Anticipation" and "You Belong to Me."

Mr. Perry's rich orchestration of the album's opener, "Moonlight Serenade," perfectly captures the essence of the big-band era, but when Miss Simon comes in, it's like your cousin Maude performing karaoke -- albeit with spectacular instrumentation -- at the family reunion.

Cousin Maude may sit down after a song or two, but Miss Simon drones on, and it's the producer's fault.