Saturday, December 31, 2005

A Very Berkeley Christmas

The tradition is observed, but next year maybe send her to Graz:

When my children learned that Tina was joining us for Christmas dinner, they were not thrilled.

“What’s wrong?” I inquired. They shrugged. “I just don’t feel comfortable around her,” said one.

“She smells funny,” said the other.

You kids need to be more welcoming,” I admonished. “You know Tina. It’s not like she’s going to hurt you or anything.”

“Yeah,” my son agreed. “But she talks about all this weird stuff.”

Yeah. She does.

....Tina follows me into the kitchen, talking along while I wash the dishes.

“I didn’t want to say this in front of the kids,” Tina confides conspiratorially, “but if your pubic area is thumping then you need to have sex. It relieves this area right here ... in the back of your head, of stress.”

She gestures to the area between the back of her head and neck.

“That’s why homosexuals aren’t meant to have sex because their kind of sex doesn’t relieve the stress in back of the head right.”

“You mean they’re under a lot of stress? Maybe they should have more sex, then.”

This remark of hers calls for some clarification.

“No, no,” Tina shakes her head. “What they need to do is to take more Vitamin C.”


“And one more thing,” she cautions me. “If your pubic area is thumping it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to have sex. It means you’re lucky and should be at the casino ... it happened to me...”

“You won some money?” I ask.

“No, I didn’t play but they called my number and I would’ve won,” she laughs.

“And I want to tell you about Stanley Tookie Williams,” Tina says, abruptly changing subjects. “He was innocent. And now he’s in heaven. He’s just fine.”

“Why do you think they killed him?” I ask, curious about how much she knew about the case.

“What about all those white men who raped and killed little girls, cut their heads open and even ate people? They didn’t kill them!” (Actually, it is interesting to note that Williams was not executed for killing any black folks.)

Tina is hot. “They’re still following slavery,” she says, adamantly. “They haven’t let go of slavery!”

....This is the most time I’ve spent talking with Tina. It was interesting and she could be quite amusing, sometimes intentionally so. Apparently she reads a lot and keeps up with current events. I wonder if Tina votes?

I’ll ask her tomorrow when she comes back for seconds.

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