Sunday, May 20, 2007

A Few Bad Men

Needed in Ireland:

THE UK Cadogram Agency . . . providing genuine English cads for hire . . . is calling on all Irish cads who believe they can break hearts in the most dashing of ways to apply to establish a sister agency in Ireland.

"Irish men in general make very good cads. But the quality we need is very rare, very special. If there are Irish men out there who believe women would pay money to date them, get in touch with us and we'll consider you based on your merits, " according to David Piper, founder of the agency and original cad.

"Cads must be very charming and elegant and obviously very handsome and stylish.
He will kiss your hand and hold out your chair . . . all the while checking out a more beautiful woman who has just entered the room. He might turn up an hour late and drunk but will charm any woman's anger away."

There are eight cads currently working for the UK agency, based in London. A date with one of their debonair gentleman costs £500 and business is booming, according to Piper. "Men nowadays are sloppy and pathetic. We are the antidote to the wimpish nature of the modern male. What would you rather . . . another dreary date with an inelegant, selfish, boring and boorish dullard, complaining of his sensitivities and problems at work, telling the same old stories whilst checking his Blackberry? Or a zest-filled lightning encounter with a masterly raconteur, a rakish man of the world?"

...Dinner for two is the most popular date. "Of course, the women pick up the tab, and you should keep an eye out that your cad hasn't ordered a round of cocktails for the table of pretty women across the room, " warns Piper.

Sex is not strictly off the menu but is not offered as part of the service. "That's entirely up to the cad. They are not getting paid to do it but they may wish to sleep with some of the women. We just encourage them not to call her the next day, in true cad style."

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