Friday, September 10, 2004

Dan, You Da Man...Big Time!

Recent events cry for the revival of a hoary tradition. The Fly Under the Bridge Academy (FLUBA) is pleased to announce a nominee...(drum roll)...for a FLUBA DUMBASSY AWARD.

This coveted award is not bestowed for mere garden variety hypocrisy, shameless lying, nor usenet quality logic. Only the truly nincompoop, no redeeming value whatsoever, brazen prevarification in the face of every scrap of evidence available, is honored.

Only something Brad DeLong would be honored to see as a comment in Semi-Daily Journal, qualifies. Nominees must have said something so horrid, so inane, that a normal person, upon realizing what he'd done, would refuse to come out of his house for a year, in embarrassment. Many have called, few are chosen.

Without further ado, in the category, Whistling While You Walk Past the Graveyard on the Sidewalks of New York, we honor...Dan Rather...for his tour de force today: "I believe...the documents are authentic."

Sure they are Dan. We believe you.

Which means we have to put aside:

1. Col. Killian's widow, who says her husband couldn't even type, and didn't take notes anyway. Who says her husband respected George W. Bush's aviator skills.

2. Col. Killian's son, who served with his father in the 111th FIS, and says the memos--described as from the Colonel's "personal files"--did not come from them. And says his father would never have been so stupid as to compose, and save, something that could only get him in trouble.

3. The physical evidence: telltale signs of word processing, wrong size paper, non-left alignment of Col. Killian's signature, phony P.O. Box and Zip Code, signatures forged so badly Inspector Clouseau would see them for that, non-standard abbreviations, and the complete absence of official orders corroborating the personal memos.

4. The chronological evidence: Regulations called for a pilot to have an annual physical in the month of his birthday, not two months prior.

Memos from May 4th and May 19th seemingly indicating that Col. Killian was somewhat miffed at Lt. Bush for moving to Alabama in a non-flying status. Yet, on the 26th of that same month, Col. Killian signs a concurrence to a glowing fitness report that praises Bush specifically for his enthusiastic participation in the group's activities. And also mentions his taking the Winton Blount Senate campaign job.

The August 1st memo's reference to ANG's Denver headquarters rejection of Bush's transfer to the 9921st as though it was history, while the actual document is stamped 31 July, 1972, and the Fax machine had yet to be invented.

All the above we ignore. Because, Dan, of who you are. Congratulations, and don't forget to have your tuxedo cleaned for the ceremony.

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