Monday, January 03, 2005

We Have Some Bonds We'd Like To Sell Ya

In light of the ironclad logic being promoted by people who ought to know better--aka erstwhile serious economists, as well as by those with no particular reason to know anything at all, the Fly Under the Bridge Academy Finance Committee proposes a win-win situation:

The Academy's master plan for financing its current activities is to market 13 Year FLUBA Social Security Bonds in $5,000 denominations, as retirement vehicles for anyone capable of saying, in consecutive breaths: Social Security Trust Fund and I speak as a professional, without breaking into gales of laughter.

These special issue commemoratives are redeemable at the whim of the FLUBA Benevolence Committee, are strictly non-tradeable, pay an interest rate of either 3% compounded annually or the increase in run production of the Seattle Mariner's baseball team from one year to the next (whichever is higher...or, lower--bondholders may take their pick).

The proceeds from the sales will be invested in Academy expenses such as; food, clothing, shelter, greens fees, bar tabs, and tips.

Strict procedures (audited by Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe) will be followed to safeguard investors' assets: i.e. we will keep a strict record of bond sales on one piece of paper and, on a completely separate piece of paper, titled; We Owe Us, a complete record of said expenses will be written down (not that that obligates us in anyway, but it's nice to remember how we spend the money).

When the day of reckoning arrives, redemptions of FLUBA SS Bonds will be accomplished by drawing on the assets listed on the We Owe Us piece of paper.

An alternative strategy, investing proceeds in German government bonds, having been rejected on the advice of Paul Krugman in August of 2001.

The marketing campaign--Sound As A Sawicky--will begin at once.

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