Wednesday, December 15, 2004

How About Something In A Screwball Winery?

Thanks to Energy Goddess and oenophile Lynne Kiesling for alerting the world to the Bonny Doon Vineyard which makes Italian style--Barbera, Barolo--wines in Santa Cruz, California. And has fun in the process:

Are You Getting Screwed?

Well, the answer is really yes and no. Perhaps you are considering the purchase of a splendid Ca’ del Solo wine crafted by the screw-pulous and exacting winemakers at Bonny Doon Vineyard. In August 2002, the 2001 Ca' del Solo Big House Red and Big House White wines will be available sealed with a Stelvin™ closure, the so-called screw cap.

Rest assured that the Stelvin™ is in no way an inferior form of closure to the more prevalent 17th century technology, commonly referred to as a “cork.” While the Stelvin™ closure may not provide the cork’s POP and circumstance we associate with this potent cultural signifier, there are a few other tree-bark related shortcomings that it elegantly eludes.

....There is also the significant matter of convenience. One need possess neither a post-graduate degree in mechanical engineering nor superhuman strength and dexterity (or even a corkscrew, for that matter) to open the Stelvin™ closure. Opposable thumbs will do.

....The Portuguese Cork Association [APCOR] has in numerous recent print advertisements invited interested parties to step up and debate the merits of the various closure systems. While we at Bonny Doon Vineyard personally believe that their invitation to enjoin the debate is precipitated by the fact that they currently have 3 1/2 legs in the tar pit, we are nevertheless quite willing to offer a spirited contribution to the ongoing discussion.

.... When celebrating significant occasions with one's colleagues (parole, commutation of sentence), often difficult to locate a corkscrew.

....Will never fall for the old "left-handed" corkscrew gag again.

....Hard to find corkscrews down by the railroad tracks.

.... You will never hear the phrase, “Put a cork in it!” again. Ever.

....The very silly macho Italian pastime of comparative cork length competition will also cease forever. Concavity will reign supreme and a soft, vaguely pastel, feminine, glowing aura will cover the world, leading to continuing millennia of world peace and amity between all men.

.... Pechiney Corp. [manufacturer of the Stelvin™ closure], mega-huge French Corporation, would prefer to show profitability without resorting to accounting hanky-panky.

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